So, I know that I already said that I was back, but today I really felt like I was back.
There is nothing worse than sitting at work, and having a spot on your pants that refuses to go away.
That pretty much ruins my day, because no matter what I do, that spot will be like a beacon for my eyes to venture to. I promptly went home yesterday morning, put some Oxiclean on spot, and through those babies in the washer. I didn’t even think to look at them to see if the spot was gone, so I guess it didn’t bother me but so much.
Yesterday, my friend bailed on me for our morning run. I don’t know why she wouldn’t want to get up on her day off and run in 31 degree weather with me. Without my partner, I decided that I would go home and sleep and then run later in the afternoon before I picked Justine up. Running when it was 61 degrees outside seemed like it would be a better idea, don’t you think?
I was a little nervous to get outside and run, due to not having ran since last Monday, and having that run be one of my worst yet, well I just didn’t want to have any negative feelings.
Which leads me to my big news….
It is officially official. I have signed up for my first half marathon in February, and I am so nervous! I had convinced my sister that she needed to run with me, so when I saw the registration was open, I registered both of us. No backing out on me. This half marathon is a local race, and it is limited to 225 runners, which I thought was just about perfect. I’m excited.
After getting done running, Justine and I headed home so I could cook dinner, well heat up dinner.
I had leftover crab imperial and coleslaw. Delicious.
I was getting things ready for work when I felt happy, and thought to myself, ”Now, I’m really back.”
I love when my life seems to be in order. Those tasks on the to- do list gets crossed off. I don’t feel weathered down. I’m not napping every chance I get.
I am content.
I saw this quote the other day.
Anxiety pretty much controlled my life for about 3 years. That is when it I lost control of it, and it took over my life. My first panic attack, well the first one where I realized what it was, was life changing. I noticed every catch of my breath. I panicked when my throat felt tight, or my hands would go numb. I would think to myself, I will never be normal again. My heart would race. Thank goodness for my doctor, who was with me every step of this journey. We went through prescription after prescription. I couldn’t take a side effect. I googled the prescription before I took it, and the message boards I would find, left me scared to take the medication. I gained weight. I ended up being the heaviest I had ever been. I would call my doctor after hours, explaining to him how exactly I felt, and him assuring me that I was indeed fine. He would tell me that I needed to try yoga, that I needed to exercise. My energy was nonexistent. Happiness was hard to come by.
At my worst I was taking 5 medications a day, so that I could function. I wouldn’t say that I felt right, or normal, but I felt okay. Now I’m down to two, and I’m working on coming off one of them in the next two weeks. I can’t tell you what it was that changed in me. I’m not sure what made me say, enough is enough.
I remember deciding to quit coffee. My heart would still race at times in the morning, and the only likely culprit was coffee. Then I found yoga, and I started to feel good. More relaxed. More at peace. I was feeling so good that I started walking, and then running, and now here I am, 2 races in 2014 already lined up.
Not everyone realizes just how difficult it is to deal with anxiety on a daily basis.
If you asked me a year ago, where I would be right now, I would have no idea that I would be this person sitting here writing this post.
With all the positive changes that I am making, I know that there are a ton more waiting for me. I take each new change as a challenge. I want to succeed.
Thanks so much for reading.