It’s Official

So, I know that I already said that I was back, but today I really felt like I was back.

There is nothing worse than sitting at work, and having a spot on your pants that refuses to go away.

tuesday2That pretty much ruins my day, because no matter what I do, that spot will be like a beacon for my eyes to venture to.  I promptly went home yesterday morning, put some Oxiclean on spot, and through those babies in the washer.  I didn’t even think to look at them to see if the spot was gone, so I guess it didn’t bother me but so much.

Yesterday, my friend bailed on me for our morning run.  I don’t know why she wouldn’t want to get up on her day off and run in 31 degree weather with me.  Without my partner, I decided that I would go home and sleep and then run later in the afternoon before I picked Justine up.  Running when it was 61 degrees outside seemed like it would be a better idea, don’t you think?

I was a little nervous to get outside and run, due to not having ran since last Monday, and having that run be one of my worst yet, well I just didn’t want to have any negative feelings.

tuesday3I had a really good run, and I let all those worries wash right away.  Though the hills seemed a little tougher, and I felt like I was panting some of the way, I felt strong.

Which leads me to my big news….

It is officially official.  I have signed up for my first half marathon in February, and I am so nervous!  I had convinced my sister that she needed to run with me, so when I saw the registration was open, I registered both of us.  No backing out on me.  This half marathon is a local race, and it is limited to 225 runners, which I thought was just about perfect.  I’m excited.

After getting done running, Justine and I headed home so I could cook dinner, well heat up dinner.

I had leftover crab imperial and coleslaw.  Delicious.

I was getting things ready for work when I felt happy, and thought to myself, “Now, I’m really back.”

I love when my life seems to be in order.  Those tasks on the to- do list gets crossed off.  I don’t feel weathered down.  I’m not napping every chance I get.

I am content.

I saw this quote the other day.

tuesdayWhich really got me thinking.

Anxiety pretty much controlled my life for about 3 years.  That is when it I lost control of it, and it took over my life.  My first panic attack, well the first one where I realized what it was, was life changing.  I noticed every catch of my breath.  I panicked when my throat felt tight, or my hands would go numb.  I would think to myself, I will never be normal again.  My heart would race.  Thank goodness for my doctor, who was with me every step of this journey.  We went through prescription after prescription.  I couldn’t take a side effect.  I googled the prescription before I took it, and the message boards I would find, left me scared to take the medication.  I gained weight.  I ended up being the heaviest I had ever been.  I would call my doctor after hours, explaining to him how exactly I felt, and him assuring me that I was indeed fine.  He would tell me that I needed to try yoga, that I needed to exercise.  My energy was nonexistent.  Happiness was hard to come by.

At my worst I was taking 5 medications a day, so that I could function.  I wouldn’t say that I felt right, or normal, but I felt okay.  Now I’m down to two, and I’m working on coming off one of them in the next two weeks.  I can’t tell you what it was that changed in me.  I’m not sure what made me say, enough is enough.

I remember deciding to quit coffee.  My heart would still race at times in the morning,  and the only likely culprit was coffee.  Then I found yoga, and I started to feel good.  More relaxed.  More at peace.  I was feeling so good that I started walking, and then running, and now here I am, 2 races in 2014 already lined up.

Not everyone realizes just how difficult it is to deal with anxiety on a daily basis.

If you asked me a year ago, where I would be right now, I would have no idea that I would be this person sitting here writing this post.

With all the positive changes that I am making, I know that there are a ton more waiting for me.  I take each new change as a challenge.  I want to succeed.

Thanks so much for reading.





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